the acoustic soul ♥

I've moved!

2010-09-01T08:44:00.002-05:00

a while ago, actually. new times call for new things.
come visit me :]
the belle account

ouch.

2010-07-14T17:20:00.003-05:00

Today has been a rough day.
The kind that makes you want to crawl up under a rock, cry your eyes out and not come out until you're positive the worst it over.

It's the kind of day that makes me so very grateful that I don't have to live it alone.

the big SEVEN7

2010-07-12T13:04:00.010-05:00

Things I love most most most in this world.
music
him

traveling

laughing

stell-bell

creation

family

Just a quick list as I'm feeling uber grateful for all I've been given today...

**Runners-up included: cupcakes, dresses, harry potter and sunshine

ahhhhhhhhhhhgggghhhh!

2010-07-11T15:17:00.004-05:00

source--unknown

Oooohhhhhh goodness at the homework I have to do this afternoon.
I'm not feeling it.
But I gotta do it.

Which means I'll probably be updating again this afternoon.

Geeeeet ready.

what?

2010-07-09T11:05:00.003-05:00

Yea-when did it become July? My sweet summer is slipping away too too fast and I don't like it one bit.

Lots happened since the last time I promised to post more often. (iiiiii suck)

I---->

started a new job
entertained the parents for a visit that was much too short and sweet
got a new roomie
planned a party
made a new friend
took up scratch cooking
took up running again
made an A
started a new book
bought my first pair of Toms

There are pictures coming...sooooooooooooon. I'd say I promise, but my track record says I'd break it.

Love love

I'm back!

2010-06-01T08:01:00.002-05:00

...from Costa Rica. :)
And I've jumped right back into life...sad day. The boy and I had a super chill day yesterday. We did some grocery shopping and yogurt eating and movie watching...aaaaaannnnd it was pretty lovely.

Today school starts back. and homework. and being a big kid.
It's still summer though! So I'ma keep it positive.

I'll be back a bit later on with more pictures and the low down on Costa Rica (I was in 2 earthquakes!!!)

Love love
~S

la la la mondays.

2010-04-19T09:02:00.004-05:00

Good morning!

It's kind of dreary here today...and COLD! Like...wear a sweater cold. Craziness.
I'm chilling on the couch with the puppy and a cup of tea, getting ready to start my morning.
Lots of class today. And maybe some cleaning. Not a terribly exciting day...good weekend though. :) Went to Dallas and finished alllllllllllll of my assessment giving for the semester. Finally starting to wrap up the semester.

Exciting things coming up-->

DIADELOSO on campus with Colbie Callait :)
Quickie weekend trip to AL for the parents' birthdays
A WEEK off from class
Renegade Craft Fair in Austin
Costa Rica
Sail boat races in Rockwall

Pretty. dang. exciting.

Monday. is. madness.

2010-04-12T15:21:00.008-05:00

because. I'm. in. school. all day long.

Looorrrdd it's been a while.
LOTS going on.

Had a most, amazing Easter weekend.
Spent it with the boy's family--eating way too much, browsing flea markets, and racking up in an adult easter egg hunt--with prizes! It was a blast. And I don't have pictures, because I was having wayyy too much fun to stop and pull out the camera.

Finished up a MAJOR school project that had been plaguing me. There's about 3 weeks left in the semester, and it should be pretty easy breezy. A couple papers, one debate and then COSTA RICA! I'm pretty excited for my two week study abroad. :) Should be quite the experience.

Miss Stella celebrated 6 months of life on friday (we bought her a baby pool to play in. Yes, yes, I know. She's a dog. I don't care.) And the boy and I celebrated out 6 months as well! :)

Ahh...she's gotten so big! Kind of makes me sad.

Ready for a low-key week/weekend. The boy bought a grill, so grilled chicken and shrimp is in my future. (yaaaaay!) And maybe a monopoly show off with some friends.
~S

Hi, I'm Stella.

2010-03-29T22:32:00.008-05:00

I'm pretty much the happiest dog you'll ever meet. I love my mom, and my dad, and my bear, and feet, and food, and running laps, and riding in cars, and sleeping on top of the couch.

This is my best friend, Jasper. He lives in Alabama. I'll be bigger than him one day.

I'm kind of a genius. I can sit and stay and lay down and roll over and beg and that's a whole lot.

Riding with the windows down is my new favorite thing.

My mom's preeeeeeeetty fond of me, so you'll probably be seeing a lot of me.

No longer a dilemma..

2010-03-29T22:24:00.003-05:00

I'm drinking tea out of a soup bowl. Totally solves my problem of having to get up and make more water when I finish my first cup.

happy monday!!!

2010-03-29T09:10:00.004-05:00

Weekend update? Why not. I'm up early and procrastinating before I start working on schools things again.

I got bangs. (yaaaaay!)

I helped paint a house downtown.

I made sangria with fresh fruit and taco salad for the boy and I. :)
Super yummy. Lovely Saturday date night. Very chill and perfect.
We stayed in and watched big bang theory, because we're kind of obsessed.

This week has the potential to be quite crazy. I have 2.5 billion assignments due in the next week and a half...and I have this crazy thought that if I work really, really hard maybe I can get them all out of the way before the Easter holiday starts on Thursday. I might just be setting myself up for failure with this one...but I'm pretty motivated right this second!--so we'll see. :)

That's all I've got.
~S

dear blogger, have you fixed yourself?

2010-03-25T18:49:00.001-05:00

ohmygoodness it would appear so!!!
Yay! How exciting. :)

Ok. um. let's see.
Texas weather is finally starting to be lovely and wonderful and perfect.
I have all the windows and doors open. I'm listening to music that makes me want to dance around in my kitchen and bake a cake. And it's just a nice, (sunny!) early evening.
When the boy gets here I believe I might suggest we take the pup for a walk through the neighborhood. We shall see. :)

Picture is from the beach sp10 trip--lovely. :)

~S

frkjhf

2010-02-17T13:49:00.002-06:00

this is a test...

my blog is sick. :(
sadness. I had lots of pretty pictures to post and blogger just isn't having it.
hope they fix this soon.

when youre drivin down an empty highway...think of me.

2010-02-09T00:11:00.003-06:00

stella got a new collar. : )

Miles from where you are...I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms...

2010-02-07T15:08:00.003-06:00

Brother was in town, and I played all weekend, so!

Today is a study day. It's kindof a Sunday staple these days.

Coffee. Dear John Soundtrack (I need to see this soooooon). My boy. Calm. Despite the studying, I do love these days.

When you hear and you just don't listen...when you're looking but you just don't see....think of me.

2010-02-07T14:53:00.002-06:00

I know I know...I keep saying I'm bringing it back, and then I disappear. I'm lame. I know. shhh.
I've decided long introspective, well thought-out blog posts are just too much commitment for this kid right now. I'm doing good to keep my ical updated with writing assignments that have to get done. I've pretty much stopped writing for pleasure completely...how sad. I miss it.

Not giving up though. I found an app for my phone that lets me update blogger--:) Currently, it's not working. It's fails out every time I try to post...but I'm confident they'll get it fixed soon! Until then...how about pictures? Random pictures and small tidbits about the boring little things and the sweet little things and the beautiful little things that currently make up my life?

When I say little, I mean little. My life is all about the little moments right now. They keep my afloat when everything else is homework and bills. But little things are easily forgotten...so I figure as they happen...as I think about it...I can add them here..
And then I can go back and remember. :) And I can share. Because little things should be appreciated. And shared.

:) Yea.

2009-09-13T10:04:00.002-05:00

So I'm bringing it back.

I've missed this stupid page.

It's evidently the rainy season in TX right now....I'm not too big a fan, I gotta say. I

miss the sunshine.

Today--I study study study study study. And then a movie. And then study study study study study. And then sleep. And maybe food somewhere in there.

love.

2009-06-13T04:03:00.002-05:00

Don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to send out something quick to say hello! I would be blogging in the AIM page, but a lot of us are having trouble getting it to work for us here.

Ministry here is amazing. I got an internship teaching a middle/high school girls bible study on Tuesday afternoons in a village not far from the city. I teach with an interpreter! This next week I'm doing it by myself.

I've also spent a lot of time at the care point down by the dump. That's been so surreal.

I love it though. It's spiritually and emotionally exhausting, which is affecting my physically....but I love it. I love pouring myself out completely.

The heartbreak isn't what I've expected. God's breaking me in ways I hadn't considered....evidently that comes first....

2 weeks left.

I wish I had time for more.

Love you all.
~S

Hi from Swazi!

2009-06-06T07:43:00.001-05:00

hello. :)

Well, if you haven't heard already, my team made it to Swaziland late yesterday afternoon. Today has been our first full day out and about in the city, and we did a scavenger hunt to kind of help us get our bearings a little bit. I was the map reader on my team, and I managed to get us everywhere we needed to go without anyone getting raped or mugged or lost or anything like that. So it's been a pretty successfull day.

Our team is staying in a house that is about a 10 minute walk into the city...we have to walk by the dump, which is the most dangerous place in the city, but our home is really nice. We have a gate and a night guard and a PUPPY! It almost feels like home. Almost.

My team is pretty awesome...and if I had time I would go down the list and tell you all of the awesome things about each of them. But there are 18 of us...15 of which are girls. Lots of estrogen, but it's been fun.

Tomorrow we are going into a more rural area for church. I hear it lasts all day here, so that should be interesting. Monday we start ministry. I believe we will be going into the hospital and also to one of the care points, so I should have lots more to share on that front next week.

Notable things...
Evidently you can't use you're left hand in public here in Swaziland. It's the hand used to wipe your butt with, so it's seen as highly disrespectful. Ugggghhhhhhhhh. Strangly enough, there are 4 lefties on my team, so we're all suffering together.

You also can't point with your index finger....try not doing that for the rest of the day.

Water only works half the time.

There's no sense of time in Africa...."I'll meet you at 10." Actually means, "I'll be by to pick you up around noon."

Our first night in, we stayed in Joburg, and right after we got there, a car ran wrecked into a substation and took out all the power and water for the rest of the night/morning.

All we eat is carbs.

Our puppy's name is Nala. Yes, like the lion king.

I'm terribly homesick, and I miss you all.
This is good though.
~Staci

2009-04-28T11:47:00.001-05:00

Raise It Up from Stacy Alonzo on Vimeo.

2009-04-26T16:06:00.004-05:00

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld/Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you were not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been laid off from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

This was fun. :)

There was a lot more green than I was expecting...and then there was Africa. :))) I couldn't very well leave it black when I'll be visiting there in a month! I think that counts as an exception.

Definitely a reminder of the good times...and that there's still lots I want to do.

2009-04-14T20:39:00.002-05:00

Life update:

I'm going to Africa in a month.

I'm moving to Waco, Texas.

I'll be attending Baylor University.

I'm going to the beach at the end of the week.

I'm getting a puppy.

Life is good.

this is why I love Britney...

2009-03-25T22:10:00.002-05:00

Flipping hysterical.

I love how when she gets bored with lip synching in the middle of her performances, she'll just yell out whatever the heck she feels like yelling.

Start listening around the 48 second mark.

This video is from like 2 weeks ago, btw. Definitely not December.

Bless her heart.

2009-03-21T20:36:00.002-05:00

check out this blog.

Ok, so it's not actually a blog. It's a photography website.

Her dog pictures have been giving me the warm fuzzies all afternoon. :)

Oh, and I got into UDenver! Yayness. I'm flying out there in 2 weeks to see how I like the place. If it's a good fit, I think we have a winner!

2009-03-14T13:02:00.002-05:00

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith, goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.

For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 1:5-8

I NEED YOUR HELP!

2009-03-04T12:38:00.004-06:00

Yes, yes I do.

So as some of you might already know, I'm going on a mission trip to Swaziland, Africa this summer to work with children, youth and adults in their last stages of AIDS. I leave on May 29th, and I couldn't be more ready to go.

I do, however, need some help getting there. In order to go on this trip I need to raise approximately $4,000.00 by May 18, 2009. I need $2,200.00 raised by the end of March so that Adventures in Missions can buy my plane ticket.

Will you donate one dollar?

I was figuring it up the other day, and if everyone I followed through facebook, myspace and all these other internet circles donated just $1.00, it would cover over 1/4 of what I needed to reach my goal! Every little bit counts.

If you would like to join me in this, here's how you can do it:

1. Go to https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=partFund

2. Select “Real Life” for the program

3. Type “Staci Weathers” for the participant name.

4. Submit, and it will ask you to create an account. All of your information is confidential, and all donations are tax-deductible.

If you’d like to follow me while I’m on this trip, you can do so at
http://09sw0529rl1.myadventures.org/where I’ll be blogging my adventure.

:) Thanks guys. Mucho amounts of love.
~S

2009-03-01T11:53:00.002-06:00

Two posts today! Sorry about that...but I got to reading my old blogs on livejournal today, and they made me smile. It's good to go back and remember where you've been. And I was pretty dang insightful back then...

link

just in case you want to see how insightful I was for yourself.

I should probably print them all off just in case they get deleted one day. I don't want to lose that time and those words.

I posted this back in 2005 and just did it again. :) fun stuff. There are 16 books of the bible hidden in the passage below--can you find them?

I ONCE MADE A REMARK ABOUT THE HIDDEN BOOKS OF THE BIBLE. IT WAS LULU, KEPT PEOPLE FROM LOOKING SO HARD FOR FACTS AND FOR OTHERS IT WAS A REVELATION. SOME WERE IN A JAM. ESPECIALLY SINCE THE NAMES OF THE BOOKS WERE NOT CAPITOLIZED, BUT THE TRUTH FINALLY STRUCK HOME TO NUMBERS OF READERS, TO OTHERS IT WAS A REAL JOB. WE WANT IT TO BE A MOST FASCINATING MOMENTS TO YOU. YES, THERE WILL BE SOME REALLY EASY ONES TO SPOT. OTHERS MAY REQUIRE JUDGES TO HELP THEM. I WILL QUICKLY ADMIT IT USUALLY TAKES A MINISTER TO FIND ONE OF THEM, AND THERE WILL BE LOUD LAMENTATION WHEN IT IS FOUND. A LITTLE LADY SAYS SHE BREWS A CUP OF TEA SO SHE CAN CONCENTRATE BETTER. SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN COMPETE. RELAX NOW FOR THERE ARE REALLY SIXTEEN BOOKS OF THE BIBLE IN THIS STORY.

2009-03-01T10:47:00.002-06:00

SNOW!!!

I's glorious. And it's hella cold, which I'm dealing with surprisingly well. :) Perhaps I could survive in Denver after all. :)

2009-02-26T20:16:00.002-06:00

Today I got a call from Adventures in Missions telling me that I needed to have $2200 raised and in my account by the end of March so they could buy my plane ticket.

I refuse to stress about this. . . . . even though I really, really want to.

In other news--

I've been accepted by 2 schools.

Been rejected by 1.

Had an interview with 1.

Set up an interview with 1.

And am still waiting to hear from 9. . . 11 if you count the interview schools.

I should be hearing things any day now though. Which is pretty exciting. :)

I'm also fasting for lent, which has proven to be pretty trying and today is only the first day! I'll certainly keep you updated on how that's going. Hopefully in a more elegant post than this one.

Mmk..that's all of my boring life update.

Peace

2009-02-22T19:52:00.002-06:00

I think President Obama should add 4 extra hours to ever day. Instead of a 12 hour clock, it would be 14 hours. Then perhaps I would have time to sleep.

2009-02-16T10:16:00.004-06:00

I find it incredibly comforting that the disciples were human. That they were men, living and breathing men, who lived in community with Jesus for three years and still had a hard time grasping the big picture. Sometimes I wonder if it's even harder to see clearly when it's standing right in front of you...when you've been around it for so long.

I'll be glad for a change of perspective and scenery. It seems I can't see clearly anymore.

I'm missing the bigger picture.

2009-01-25T17:09:00.006-06:00

I can't stop listening to these guys.

Yes, the song is about stalking...but there's just something about it that makes you

wanna dance. You can't turn it off. The whole album's that way.

Passenger.

Wicked Man's Rest.

Good stuff. Check it out.

the only one who's ever known who I am, who I'm not and who I want to be...

2008-12-30T10:50:00.003-06:00

Today I was knocked down a couple notches...I'm incredibly humbled.

A few hours ago I was mad...pissed. The stress of preparing for the winter retreat was getting to me. Things just kept getting added to the already full list of things I needed to get done. I'd spent an hour at the doctor's office only for them to tell me that they didn't have my shots and I was going to have to come back...second time that had happened. I was ready for this week to be done. I was ready to not have the responsibility of youth to worry about or deal with.

It was 10:00 in the morning and I had pretty much had all the life I could take for the day.

So I left in a bad mood. Dropped my papers off at the front desk, and headed out the door...and then someone knocked on the window. The next thing I knew I was standing in the breezeway having a conversation with one of my old students...a kid who I'd known really well. Who had basically lived at my house on numerous occasions. Who had pretty much been a 2nd younger brother of mine. He'd had a rough go, and he was really beginning to show it. He didn't look good at all. I stood outside with him as he told me about life and how he was being sent away to Montgomery for six months.

What do you say to something like that? He was pretty gracious with my awkwardness...and then he asked me about youth and about everybody at IC. When I told him I was still there he looked at me with this expression that I'm still trying to place. His eyes were so big and so broken, but I swear there was hope in them too... He looked at me and he told me to give them his love and to tell them that he would see them next year and he would be fixed.

It broke my heart. And as we hugged goodbye and I walked away, I felt all of my resolve melting away and it was taking my anger with it. I hadn't been that affected by anything in a long time, and as I drove away I cried. I cried for him. I cried for apathy. I just cried.

I hear God all the time. He hardly ever answers my questions, but he's always talking. And honestly, most of the time I ignore him. I choose to live life slightly detached so that I can get the things done that I need to get done... Sometimes I think I'm afraid to listen, because what I hear scares me. There's a part of me that just wants normalcy...and then there's the other part of me that suffocates within it.

I'm rambling now.

But I just wanted to say that I found God today outside the doctor's office, headed to Montgomery...and he knocked me down a few notches.

2008-12-04T10:40:00.007-06:00

"You Found Me is a tough song for me. Its about the disappointment, the heart ache, the let down that comes with life. Sometimes you're let down, sometimes you're the one who lets someone else down. It gets hard to know who you can trust, who you can count on. This song came out of a tough time, and I'm still right in the thick of it. There's some difficult circumstances my family and friends have been going through over the past year or so and can be overwhelming. It wears on me. It demands so much of my faith to keep believing, keep hoping in the unseen. Sometimes the tunnel has a light at the end, but usually they just look black as night. This song is about that feeling, and the hope that I still have, buried deep in my chest."

I found God on the corner of First in Amistad where the west was all but won.

All alone, smoking his last cigarette, I said "where you been?" He said, "ask anything."

Where were you when everything was falling apart?  All my days, spent by the telephone that never rang. All I needed was a call that never came. The corner of First and Amistad... Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded.  Why'd you have to wait?  Where were you?

Just a little late...You found me, you found me.  In the end, everyone ends up alone.  Losing her, the only one who's ever known who I am, who Im not, and who I wanna be. No way to know how long she will be next to me... Early morning, city breaks. I've been calling for years and years and years and years and you never left me no messages; never sent me no letters; you've got some kind of nerve taking all of our world.  

Lost and insecure, you found me. Lying on the floor, where were you? Lost and insecure, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me. 

Why'd you have to wait, to find me?  

2008-11-06T16:32:00.005-06:00

A lack of writing. A lack of discipline. A lack of self evaluation has left me shallow.

Such a strange place to be in life. I hate feeling indifferent, and yet, there are times in my life when I'm fighting with every bit of strength I have not to become apathetic.

Unknowingly, I've fallen into another one of those ruts. I've just been too preoccupied with getting things done to notice that I'd stopped feeling.

The exhausting part of life is the having to constantly flush out the junk that piles up in your heart.

Thank God for grace.

"...for now I'm going to try and dream a dream that I actually want to be lost in."

2008-10-22T22:44:00.003-05:00

Also, I have to share these. Because I love this baby.

2008-10-22T22:35:00.008-05:00

It's been a while.

My world has been going a million miles a minute. Funny how that happens.

I graduate, quit my job, take major steps towards what one might think would be slowing down and yet I still find my days so full that sometimes I can hardly breathe. I think I've decided that's just life. Regardless of what your doing (or not doing) it's going to fill up with something. You just get to pick what you fill it with.

This quote was on the side of one of my magazines.

"Always REMEMBER to never forget your goofiness."

Leaving you with that.

2008-10-06T20:12:00.002-05:00

"...for now, I'm going to try to dream a dream that I actually want to be lost in."

I read this today in an old blog of a person, whom I am certain I would have been good friends with had I taken the time to get to know him. His words are good. They take some dissecting, but they make me think.

I think he may be living his dream, which is something I greatly admire.

2008-10-04T20:27:00.001-05:00

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Nov 21. I. can. NOT. wait.

2008-10-02T10:51:00.002-05:00

I think we can officially say it's autumn now. :)

Even on the warm days you can get away with wearing long sleeves comfortably. And while the leaves aren't quite ready to change, it won't be long now. I'm pretty excited for that.

On the 16th I'm heading up to Virginia for a couple of days to visit my cousins there. Evidently, Virginia boasts one of the most beautiful autumn seasons in the country and so I'm super excited to get out there and see it all. I also have a strange fascination with the colonial era, so I always love to go up there and see all the "old world" places.

It's the first "vacation" I've ever taken alone, which kind of makes me nervous, but kind of excites me at the same time.

On tuesday I take my GRE for the second and final time. I am nervous. I am also sick....changing temperatures do a number on my sinuses. Hopefully both nerves and sniffles will have disappeared come Tuesday afternoon. If you think about it though, say a little prayer for me. I could certainly use it.

2008-09-25T09:25:00.007-05:00

"My dear Children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one that speaks to the Father in our defense-Jesus Christ, the Righteous One." --1 John 2:1

I read that today and thought it was interesting. Not sure why. It's pretty self explanatory, not really insightful in any way...But it was good for me.

After I read it, I decided to go ahead and read the rest of the book, and in chapter 2, John straight up outlines how we can sure the we know God in the right way.

Keep His commandments.

Make your life match your words...make your life match His words. Because it is in the person that keeps God's commandments that mature love can be seen and experienced.

Then he says, this is the ONLY way to make sure that you're in God.

Told to us to keep us from sinning.

Told to those of us (like me) who over-think things to the point of death, because I just HAVE to know.

This is how I can.

It's a quick read, but all good stuff.

Anyways. Didn't expect to outline most of the book there for ya. Ha. But that's cool, I suppose.

I have a heavy, but peaceful heart this morning. Heavy, because change makes me sad. I know it probably shouldn't, because it's inevitable. And it's not a bad thing. But it's still painful to let go of things that you've grown so used to. It's hard to willingly release what makes you comfortable and happy, even if what's coming is going to be better.

I know that change is good. And that it brings with it good things, even if they must come through hard transitions. I know that God promises us good, and that it's in his plans that we rest.

And so I have peace.

*Sidebar*

I just heard via the Mars Hill podcast that Rob Bell has a new book coming out! Actually, the podcast was from the 13th, so it may be out now. Because he said it would debut in a few days! It's called--"Jesus Wants to Save Christians". :) Can't want to read it. His words are good.

2008-09-20T19:49:00.003-05:00

"the things we wanna be are scattered in the streets..."

Disenchanted.

That's a good word for my current state of being. Why is it that every time I start to get my plans into some kind of conceivable format, something happens to completely blow my confidence in those plans into fifteen-billion unrecognizable pieces?

I'm waist-deep in graduate school crap these days. You probably knew that. It's pretty much all I talk about, because it's all I do. My parents are paying for me to go to these fancy GRE review classes and talk with this graduate advisor all so that I can succeed, and get into a good program at a good school and be a good, functioning, positive member of society. They're doing some major sacrificing on my behalf, and all I can focus on is my complete and utter discontent with the mediocrity of it all.

I'm disenchanted with America. With my generation. With myself. I'm over it. All of it.

And I have been for a while.

In a lot of ways, that's what the Africa trip has been about. Me getting out and taking an extended period of time to just go and do and live outside of this bubble. But I'm starting to wonder if 2-3 months is long enough. If maybe I'm still off a little bit.

In the previous post I tagged a video from a fairly new type of mission called the World Race. I stumbled across this organization while I was doing some research into some other things I could maybe do this spring if my Africa plans couldn't seem to come together....it's completely blowing my mind.

11 months. 11 countries. A pilgrimage.

I have soaked up as much information as possible....I've read the blogs of people who are out there right now...I've watched the videos...and I am absolutely horrified by how much my entire soul seems to crave it.

11 months. 11 countries. A complete re-organization of my life. The possibility of a completely different life on the other side of this experience. Perhaps the most selfish, irresponsible, foolish thing I could ever consider doing....but I want it. Lord, do I want it.

I am overwhelmed with the desire and the need to soak these thoughts in prayer, and so I'm asking for you to do the same. Please pray for me as I continue to battle with God and with myself about what these next steps in my life are supposed to look like.

Thanks, guys.

2008-09-20T17:03:00.001-05:00

"God broke me. It was the most horrifying, yet amazing, thing I have ever experienced. He knew that if I did not allow healing for the pain in my heart now, I would be of no use to him out in the world. I would always have this part of me I could not turn over to him, and he wants all of me… "

I have no words.

2008-09-18T16:16:00.009-05:00

This is quite possibly the most morbid topic picture I could have ever chosen for tonight's upcoming events. But it's LOCK-IN time!

Actually, it's almost over. Tonight is the 2nd of two, and it's actually more of a lock-out than a lock-in. We've never done anything quite like this before, so I'm pretty excited about it all.

I didn't take any pictures last weekend because I forgot. Tonight I shall not forget. Expect them soon!

2008-09-18T16:16:00.007-05:00

"If seeing is believing then believe that we have lost our eyes."

I'm in a strange mood today.

My family was at home instead of work this morning which was out of the norm.

I've been on this weird sleeping schedule where I don't go to sleep until crazy early in the morning and then I sleep until the early afternoon...last night I tried to break that schedule with the help of NyQuil but ended up only sleeping several extra hours...so maybe I'm just jived on all that extra unconsciousness. I just feel restless today. Like I should be going or moving or doing...instead I'm just sitting and studying.

Then I ran across this new band...I've actually had them on my ipod for a while now, I just hadn't taken the time to really listen to them until they came up during my shuffle today. Their lyrics are inspiring some pretty deep thinking on my behalf.

They're like modern Psalms.

The quote above is theirs.

So true. On so many levels.

Most days I honestly can't tell you what I'm seeing. Or with who's eyes I'm looking.

They're called Manchester Orchestra, by the way.

2008-09-09T23:10:00.003-05:00

There are 150 Psalms in the Bible. Half of them are laments...people just raging on about how life doesn't make sense.

Sometimes, you just have to let it not make sense.

I am desperately trying to discover what it means to exist on and be sustained by grace and peace.

2008-09-09T10:14:00.003-05:00

a paragraph of beautiful things

summer rain. love. the full moon. selflessness. my life. your life. cupcakes. parents. catching the first snow flake. letters. siblings. quiet nights. making music. second, third, fourth generations. watching something grow. mornings that are alive. shadow puppets. rocking chairs on the porch. old photographs. secret looks. a cool breeze. pillow forts. pretending your five years old. finding spare change in the couch. starry skies. books that make you cry and laugh at the same time. playing dress up. mint chocolate. falling in love. hammocks. throwing caution to the wind. holding hands. fireflies. favorite words. exploring new cities. writing in your journal. dancing in the street. simple trust. smiling at strangers. raspberries. loving yourself.

Sometimes you just need to remember some of the little things that make you smile. So I made a list of mine. It was surprisingly refreshing. You should try it sometime.

2008-09-05T22:35:00.002-05:00

Today.

Late morning.

Trapped upstairs by the cleaning lady.

Candy corn breakfast.

Lunch with friends.

Birmingham.

Artwalk.

Sickness.

Worse.

Colorless.

Question.

Emergency room.

Suck.

Four hours later.

No doctor.

Feeling better.

Bracelet removal.

Home.

Scary, overprotective parents.

Half-hearted promises.

Eragon.

Soon to be--sleep.

Not exactly how I imagined my day to go.

Hopefully there will be few like it.

2008-09-04T23:46:00.002-05:00

I stole this from the lovely miss Jenny's blog.

I AM... in love with this changing weather. The breeze makes me oh-so happy.
I WANT...to know the future.
I HAVE... a full heart.
I KEEP... worrying about things I have no control over.
I WISH I COULD... travel without worrying over money.
I HATE... feeling stuck.
I FEAR... loneliness.
I HEAR... so clearly these days...
I DON'T THINK... I'd change things, even if I could.
I REGRET... not developing good study habits earlier in life.
I LOVE... the little things.
I AM NOT... finished.
I DANCE... as often as I walk.
I SING... often. and a little off key.
I NEVER... finished putting my clothes away this afternoon...dang.
I RARELY... forget.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH... the most random things. No shortage of emotion here.
I AM NOT ALWAYS... confident.
I HATE THAT... my face tells all my secrets.
I'M CONFUSED ABOUT... nothing at the moment, thank goodness.
I NEED... to be doing math problems to study for the GRE. That would make me a responsible adult.
I SHOULD... go to bed. I have an early morning tomorrow.

:) ciao.

2008-09-02T11:54:00.002-05:00

today.

I take some of the first steps towards adding structure back into my life that has been rather unstructured for the last month.

It's been nice. It has. But with structure comes motivation, and so I'm welcoming it.

I have my first REAL phone conference with my Kaplan advisor today. Super excited about that. She's gonna help me with all the grad school stuff that I don't understand. It's nice to know that I'm gonna have someone to chat up about that things I don't understand. Should be cool. Good stuff.

Tonight I also start my GRE review classes. So I'll be back in the classroom again. I just can't stay away. I'll be in Bham instead of Tuscaloosa though, so that'll be a nice change of scenery.

Anyways, short update.

I can feel the weather beginning to change. That's kind of exciting. I love my sweatshirts.

I'm reading a ton lately. Writing constantly. Not sure if it's anything of substance yet, but I'm loving the release.

wake up. and put on your armor.

2008-09-01T23:22:00.003-05:00

it's coming.

2008-09-01T10:17:00.003-05:00

I am in desperate need.

2008-08-27T22:05:00.005-05:00

Last week we had our 3rd annual water war at ICY.

I love water war. We have so much fun just playing in the water and the dirt.

It's the perfect way to say goodbye to summertime. :)))

When I wasn't running from scheming students or being attacked by other members of the team, I acted as picture taker. These were some of my favs.

love yall.

2008-08-22T09:09:00.004-05:00

This is my absolute favorite ode to the Olympics.

This is why I love it. the fight. the competition. the passion. the dedication.

It. is. so. freaking. cool.

I could watch this commercial ten times and respond differently every single time.

Props, Nike people. Props.

2008-08-20T09:18:00.002-05:00

So I've been thinking about the Bible lately...the different books, the different stories, the different purposes...

I find it interesting that I go through phases where different places in the Bible appeal to me more than others. The last time I really dove in, I was all about the Old Testament...all about the old stories and encounters that everyday people had with God when they least expected it.

Right now, I'm drawn to the letters. I love how focused they are on doing...they're all about action.

Read this and then go do it.

They're not stories so much as they are instructions...They're like the greatest self-help books ever written. If I ever do sit down and finally write my book, I'm gonna stay away from that genre completely, because really, what more is there to add?

Anyways, this morning.

Ephesians 4.

First 3 verses is full.

This is my interpretation.

---

This is what you need to do.

Start running. Run and do what you're supposed to be doing; the work Christ had called YOU to do.

Why are you just sitting there? You have good hands. Hands that have work to do. Keep your feet walking so that they don't wander down paths that don't go anywhere. Listen to your heart, and do what you've been called to do.

Be disciplined in your work, because it's not easy work. You're going to want to stop, to take a break, to quit when things get crazy. You must be disciplined.

Practice humility in your work. Don't become prideful or boastful. You don't want to become judgmental of those on a different path. Run down your road. Keep your head down, and be humble.

Do you're work steadily. Don't jump in and become overwhelmed. Pace yourself, so that you keep moving steadily forward.

Practice loving the people in your daily life.

Be alert to your surroundings. As you run, God will help you see with new eyes. You'll see things you've never seen before. You'll see opportunities in front of you that are brand new.

Stay ready, equipped and willing so that when God shows you work you can jump up and begin mending fences.

---

2008-08-18T23:14:00.002-05:00

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all the mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were meant to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out and out again until we're called home."

2008-07-30T07:55:00.003-05:00

goodness gracious, have I been abusing this poor thing or what?

life can be so overwhelming sometimes.

I'm sitting in bed, drinking my coffee, waiting for my computer to die, making myself later for work every second I sit here. But I'm absolutely loving it. :]

I have a whopping THREE days left to live in Tuscaloosa. It's bittersweet.

I'm sad to be moving back home to the parents. I love them. They're great. But once your gone it's so hard to go back...even if it is just for a short blip in time. I'm also going to miss my roommate. She's been an awesome one. I couldn't have asked for a better first-moving-out experience...minus the horrors of our crap-partment complex.

I'm also excited though because all these little events are marking a much larger jump in direction in my life. What direction, you ask?

I'm still not entirely sure.

I know I have more school in my future, which gives me some options. I think I'm gonna get out of here for a while. God willing, and circumstances working out, I'm gonna try my hand at making my mark on some place I've never been. I'm gonna see what else is out there for me.

-hopefully-

I'm excited to see how this next year plays out and fills up. I've never had an empty year to fill with...whatever. I'm stoked. I'll be poor. But happy.

I'm also trying hard to savor these last few moments in these familiar places that have monopolized my life for the last several years....school...work...tuscaloosa. Personally, I'm tired of them. But I'll miss them. More than I can imagine, I'm sure.

I think I'm done with my random life update. I predict that posts in the future will be a bit more structured. I'll have time for structure. :)

2008-07-07T18:09:00.003-05:00

Have you heard of Enviga?

Let me tell you about it. :)

Coke and Nestea have come together on this modern day energy drink that--get read folks--claims to burn calories while you drink! Seriously. According to the back of the tropical pomegranate can that I am currently consuming, if you drink up to 3 of these little buggers a a day, your calorie burning will increase up to 60-100 calories! Intrigued? I certainly was. So intrigued that I purchased 18 cans from target today. For the next week, I shall drink 3 a day. There's really no way for me to tell if it's decreasing my calorie intake...but we'll just see what happens! Who knows, come Sunday maybe my pants will just slide right off my body.

2008-07-07T09:08:00.005-05:00

Quick life update!

I finished my senior seminar!!!! :D !!! You know that light they saw you can see at the end of the tunnel? Oh yea, it's totally there. I went back to Barnes&Noble last night, just because I'm kindof attached to the place at this point, and I got started back on my internet class. My goal is to be done with it by next week...And then, ladies and gentlemen, and then I will be truly, truly done with school for an entire year. Thank. You. Jesus.

2008-07-04T22:47:00.009-05:00

2008-07-03T20:43:00.006-05:00

okay, okay. So I know this is my second video posting in a row...but guys, it is so stinkin funny. And sometimes...sometimes you just need to watch goofy

commercials and be happy.

do it. :D

Where the Hell is Matt?

2008-06-30T23:20:00.003-05:00

Here's where Matt's been dancing in 2008.

Heart-warming. Very cool. Simply amazing.

Keep dancing, Matt. Keep dancing.

2008-06-29T23:01:00.003-05:00

photo by http://elinkan.blogg.se/

Soooo this is going to be me for the next couple days. I have a week to write 2 papers with way too many pages. It really shouldn't be that bad, except that recently I've been itching to work on more creative writing projects...creativity by the way, is sufficiently squashed by academic paper writing. It's all good though. I'm so close, I can smell it. Victory. Lol.

Today I skipped church and slept in. And then I went to my cousin's baptism at a Primitive Baptist church deep in the country, and missed the innerchange terribly. It was insane. And a little uncomfortable. I had to wear a sweater to cover my arms.

It's nearly July, people. Come on now.

Mom and I then visited this little hole in the wall diner in Bibb County where we enjoyed the most amazing fried green tomatoes this girl has ever placed in her mouth. They were heavenly, really. They were also unfortunately served to us by a woman who was carrying around a sick, vomiting baby. I'm pretty sure that's a health hazard. I'm going to have a stomach virus before the end of the week, mark my words.

They were real good though. I'm thinking it might have been worth it.

Another fairly uneventful post...sorry about that. Getting back in the swing of things.

2008-06-25T22:24:00.002-05:00

OHMYGOODNESS!!

It. has been forever. Wow. dang. What can I say? Life has been insane...I've been out of school and between computers and just haven't being feeling writing for quite a while now. it's really good to be feeling it again. :) I'm glad to be giving it another go.

Honestly, I don't really have anything spectacular to share atm.

I got a new computer!!!!!!!! And I broke it 3 hours after it arrived.

It's fixed now and I love it.

I'mmmmmm graduating in a month. :)))))))) = me. and my parents.

That's all really.

More to come. Stay tuned.

2008-05-15T22:46:00.002-05:00

I wonder why Ecclesiastes is in the Bible.

It is so unique--the Meredith Gray of the Bible.
And while it inspires me to move move move forward, it also makes me incredibly sad.

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

2008-05-08T23:05:00.005-05:00

I fell right through the cracks and now I'm trying to get back.

Nothings going to stop me but divine intervention.

The last two days have been interesting. This whole week has been kind of insane, to be honest. Really full. But in strange ways.

I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some.

I have laughed until my sides hurt...good laughs. Good people. There is something incredible to be said about surrounding yourself with people who bring out the good inside of you more than they bring out the bad. The people that are okay with the goofy and the tired and even the whiny, and can turn it into positive.

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror and bending over backwards just to try and see it clearer.

We'll call them "feel good people". Because this is a feel good day.

There's no need to complicate.

My feel good people have honestly changed me. They've helped me scrape off some of those sharp, serious edges that I can kind of survive within from time to time. Life doesn't have to be serious. I don't have to be so serious all the time. I've learned how to laugh at myself...and I'm learning how to let things roll off of my back (which is a feat, let me tell you. I'm so quick to get my feelings hurt.) It's quite refreshing, especially in stressful situations, to be able to laugh it out in company.

Our time is short.

So yeah, thanks to two of my favorite feel good people--Leigh and Kim. [Neither of whom read this, I am...pretty dang sure.] But they let me hug copiers and lay in the floor and speak without thinking and refresh me in a place that could easily be life draining. I think that's blog worthy.

So this week I've laughed with my laugh buddies. And then I've cried all alone for everything and everyone I could think to cry for. And that's been just as liberating as the laughter, honestly.

This is our fate, I'm yours.

I've needed this week. I'm so very grateful for it. I feel refreshed, and rather inspired. I want to write. And open up some incredible books that I haven't looked at in much too long.

I won't hesitate no more.

The sky is yours.

I sit in silence here.

2008-05-07T23:39:00.010-05:00

I'm filled with wonder once again. I'm overwhelmed...

okay. so, occasionally I do this.
Occasionally I can't help myself and I just have to dig some things up and wallow for just a spell. And then I can put it away again.
And collect my bearings.
And be okay.

Do you know what I mean?
For a long time, I thought that this was a bad thing. It wasn't right to hold on to the past. That it was simply a hinderance...something that kept you from being a part of the present.
And I thought something was wrong with me, because I was having a hard time living my life that way.
For one, I can't forget anything. I think too much to forget anything.
For....second. Burying things that you can't forget is not healthy. It's just not. It hurts. And it creates these ugly, deep wounds that never get better or scar over...and make it incredibly difficult to move forward. I have some of those as well.

Here's my current thought process on the matter.
Jesus doesn't speak of forgetting. Or burying, really.
He speaks of life. And of letting go.
But also of remembrance.

Is it possible that I can't forget, because I'm not supposed to?
I'm not supposed to forget where I've been.
Or what I've done.
Or what it felt like.
Or how much I love this or that or them.
Or how beautiful or ugly it was.
Or how much I miss that time or that person.

Maybe I'm supposed to remember, and pull it all back onto the table from time to time and cry it out.
Because the older I get, and the more time I spend on this planet, the more I realize that living life is raw. When you pull back the plastic, things are tender and new and a lot of the times they're bloody.

And so I'm giving myself permission to remember. And sometimes when I remember I laugh. And then sometimes I cry.

Lord, you wept tears of blood for me.
You hung in agony so deep.
You carried my sin away for good.
You walked through the fire to free my soul.
I sit in silence here.
The cross, I now remember.

Lest I forget.

I have a beautiful life.

2008-05-04T22:21:00.007-05:00

jad·ed
/ˈdʒeɪdɪd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[jey-did] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1.
dulled or satiated by overindulgence: a jaded appetite.
2.
worn out or wearied, as by overwork or overuse.
3.
dissipated: a jaded reprobate.

Dolphin dies after collision during Sea World trick.

2008-05-01T21:55:00.001-05:00

A 30-year-old dolphin at Sea World has died after colliding with another dolphin while performing aerial tricks, the Orlando, Florida, amusement park said Monday...

this makes me very sad.

2008-04-29T09:27:00.003-05:00

This is going to be the most boring life update ever....just a warning.

I'm sick.
Quite sick, actually.
It's really sucky...because I hate being sick. I hate taking medicine. And it's my big finals week. Lovely right? Meh.

--Okay. Pissed off. I'm watchingRegis and Kelly. Correction--I'm watching the beautiful Patick Dempsey on Regis and Kelly--and the news just broke in with a "special update". The freaking president is getting ready to make a speech. How rude.--

I was going to update a bit more. But I suppose now I'm going to watch Bush talk about the gas crisis. It effects me, so I guess we'll see if he says anything of note. So far he's blaming congress. That's not a good sign. I guess that means that there's no end in sight.

Told you this was going to be boring.

Perhaps this will make you laugh.

2008-04-25T20:58:00.004-05:00

I ran across this the other day in my "archives"...ha.
Sometimes when I'm not feeling like writing, I'll just type. This is something I wrote about a week into Lent this year. My fasting experience. I happened upon it earlier when I was getting things together for my reading in Creative Writing. It made me laugh. Thought I'd share.

I titled it--"An Ode to fasting, blenders, and soy milk."

I read a story today about God, and he was wearing a cardigan.
I thought it was funny at first, and then I realized that was pretty appropriate because I’ve been having one of those weird God days here lately.
He’s been around in this weird, funny kind of light, and I can very much imagine him in a cardigan.
Strange.
I’m fasting for Lent. Fasting because that’s what you’re supposed to do. I’ve never really fasted before, but it felt appropriate. And when Wednesday came this year, I just knew that was what I was supposed to do.
Forty days with nothing but soups and liquids. Forty days.

Day six I had a break down.

I had just arrived home from a lovely tomato soup dinner with a friend. I got home and I was angry and hungry and very unsatisfied.
I burst through the door of my apartment and declared extravagantly to my roommate that tonight was officially “break your fast” night.

No rules. No shame. Just cupcakes.

I had been craving cupcakes for a week, and after dinner I had gone and purchased the big book of cupcakes and tonight we would feast.

She looked at me like I had lost my mind, but I paid her no attention. I had cupcakes on the brain. And in a moment, I was on my way to the grocery.

I stood in front of the cake mix for fifteen minutes arguing with God in a cardigan. He was relentless. Eventually I gave up, opting to walk around the rest of the store a bit and clear my head. I had some other things to pick up. I would just come back.

I circled the store a few times, and had a conversation with my maker. Never in my life have I had trouble purchasing anything that I wanted to purchase, especially something that I went to the store specifically to pick up. This was unnatural. It made me uneasy.

Was God going to make me feel this bad about solid food for the entire forty days?

I hovered in the bakery for a while, staring down the cupcakes in the freezer. My mouth watered, but I couldn’t move. I was frozen, my hands stuck to the buggy. After a few minutes of this, I gave up. There would be no cupcakes for me tonight. No freaking cupcakes. I had bought that book for nothing.

I circled the store a few more times, trying to raise myself out of the depression that was setting rapidly. I couldn’t go home dejected with nothing to show for my trip.

I began grabbing at things, determined to make this shopping trip worth my while.

When I arrived back the apartment half an hour later, I was the proud owner of three new pairs of shoes in nauseatingly bright hues, a blender, a gallon of chocolate soy milk (which I had never tasted before in my life), and three cartons of fresh berries that I was determined to blend up with my new blender.

Tomorrow, I would make fruit juice.

2008-04-23T09:54:00.002-05:00

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

hm. how do you interpret this?

2008-04-20T22:32:00.005-05:00

I like this quote, er...song lyric.
"I undress my mind and dare you to follow..."
I find it intriguing. Gotta love that Sara B.

I continue to find myself in situations longing for new situations.
Is that a commitment issue? Who knows.

I watched Atonement tonight while I was supposed to be doing homework..
Started watching it because of this thing I have for boys with accents...but it's quite a wonderful movie. It was a good experience...in a lot of ways I felt like Briony, the main character. Not really in the sense that I have this guilt ripping me into pieces...though I do have some guilt...but it's the other aspects of her character that I really connected with.

She's a girl.
She's a selfish, foolish girl who is quick to jump to conclusions.
She has a love of words...she writes.

Most importantly...the older she becomes, the more she longs for candid realness in her relationships...she has all of these things inside her she wants to share, but being candidly real and open and honest is tough. I mean, it can be alright when you have one or two people that you pour yourself out on...but what about if you write? Where is the line? And at one point do you step over it and begin infringing on the rights of others? And at what point does it become fake?

I'm not really talking about blogging....I mean, I guess I could be.
I was kindof thinking bigger than that though...

Briony doesn't publish her biography untill she's dying. It's the last book she'll ever write, and she won't be around to experience the realness...I think I want more than that.

I tend to complicate things....just by nature. I'll chew them up untill they're unrecognizable. I'm thinking that may be what I've done here...anyways.

I'm done sounding off on my ethical...personal...spiritual ramblings.

-Love.

2008-04-18T09:28:00.003-05:00

suicide is selfish.

as heartreaking as I find it, it really just pisses me off.

I haven't had time to update in a while...but in short, God is challenging me to stretch my legs.

Currently staring back at my comfort zone longingly.

---

2008-04-15T23:51:00.004-05:00

So I'm walking up the path to my apartment steps just a second ago and you know what I did?
I fell in a bush. A big bush. And not just toppled over sideways a little bit. My knees collapsed and I fell into a big heap inside the bush. With all my bags. All layed up on my side.
And then I look out. And there is a boy standing at the stairs just down from me, staring at me blankly. I'm certain he thought I was intoxicated. I was super embarrassed. And then I waited for him to walk up the stairs before I got up, because I didn't want him to know that I lived on the 2nd floor. Geeze.

Just thought I'd share that little tidbit...I'm so stinkin clumsy.

Tonight I rode up to Trussville with Danielle to meet Christian where we then preceeded on to the Basement. It has been an absolutely incredible night of goodness.

If you have never heard of it before, the Basement is this gathering, primarily of young people, that began in this guy's basement and has grown to thousands. They love Jesus and they worship their stinkin hearts out. It is intense. It is a little hokey at times. It is crazy fun. And it's insanely real. and cool. and relevant.

We mostly hung towards the back.
There was absolutely no place to sit, and we were still trying to check it all out and get a real feel for what this place was like.
Once things started rolling though, you couldn't help but get caught up in it all.
I wish so badly that I would have had my notebook with me because there was so much that I wanted to record.

On the way home it was pretty late and Danielle and I had planned on jamming out to some Rascal Flatts so that we could both stay awake...didn't happen. We got started talking about Captivating. [Our sleepover is this weekend, which I am super stoked about.] We were wrapping up the planning stuff, perfecting grocery lists, and throwing around some pretty nifty ideas. It was so affirming and encouraging. I'm super excited about the year and the changes we're bringing to Captivating. There is so much opportunity there for it to be something...something amazing. Something unique. Something life-changing. I'm accountable to that.

We talked about Captivating all the way to the IC where I had left my car...and then, instead of getting out, we just stayed...and we talked Jesus. Danielle and I have had some semi-spiritual conversations in the past, but never...never have we talked Jesus.

See I have this problem...this wall complex, as I like to call it. I'm just not very transparent. I don't like being vulnerable. I don't like giving up control. And for the most part, I'm an introvert. I have to be pushed to the point of opening up...it's not that I don't want to...it's just that I need to be nudged. And except for rare, serious circumstances, I don't seek it out. I wait on it. And I relieve myself in other, unhealthier ways.
Danielle is the same way. We have the same issues when it comes to vulnerablity and difficult, personal topics. It makes it difficult for those conversations to ever take place, because we're both waiting on the other person to push.

Tonight there was no push...there was just give...on both sides. And in the midst of that give, we both realized that we were starving for the same thing. We're both looking for the same relief...and although it's not something we can really get from each other...it's something we can help each other find...it's something we can push one another to seek out. And so we just sat there. And talked. And listened. And nodded because we really, truly did understand and empathize. And we cried...not really...because neither of us really cry in front of people...but we watered.

It was such an answer for what I've been begging God for...and it's strange because it was not at all the answer I'd been looking for. [Which is what I talked about at youth last week, which is cool in it's own right...] But I had asked God to send me something...and instead, he sent me someone walking the same, exact path...thirsting after the same exact thing...so that we could seek it out together. Wow.

And I don't know why...I don't know what...not yet. But I know there's a reason for it. I know that this is step one and that it's required before there can be a second step...

And so I'm just kind of in awe...because I know it now. And I'm ready to take the second step. Blindly...but with a buddy by my side.

I want to worship.

2008-04-10T10:24:00.001-05:00

You reminded me of a child
Perhaps it was the way you breathed in the air
as if you would never taste
it again. You were in love
with the senses. You were movement. Like the wind.
You were always stirring, but never lost in time.

I get really upset when I think back on time.
But it’s hard for me to imagine you as anything other than a child
with your hair caught up in the wind.
I think of you when I smell strawberries in the air.
I think about that day you told me they were your first love
and that I was your second. I miss the taste.

I wish we could go back and taste
the strawberries together. And you could tell me again and we wouldn’t think about time.
We could just think about love.
And we could lie in the grass and I could draw faces on your skin like a child.
We could lie in the grass and let the air
carry away everything but us on the back of the wind.

You always liked the wind.
You said it reminded you of other places. That you could taste
a world outside of ours mingled in the air.
I thought you were brilliant. Every time
you opened your mouth I was enthralled and I’d sit at your feet and listen like a child.
It was those days that I first fell in love.

I try not to think about love
or those long summer days when we would sit outside for hours just because you liked the wind.
Because if I start, I can’t stop and I’m carried back to what it felt like for you to hold me like a child
and I would have followed you anywhere because I wanted to taste
the things you tasted. I wanted to follow you into time
and breathe in the sweet, intoxicating aroma that lingered in your air.

Now, all I have left of you is the air
and those feelings that that I get when I smell the strawberries. Sometimes it feels like love
and I’ll have to get away and let time
carry me into your arms on the back of the wind.
And for a moment, I’ll lie there and remember what it was like to taste.
And I’ll cry like a child.

2008-04-10T00:05:00.005-05:00

And he did it. He rescued us again and again from certain doom...And he'll do it again. Rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.

This is the good news.

I feel kind of empty today...I always hate that feeling.
My thoughts are on cravings...perhaps that's why. Sometimes I don't understand why God puts the cravings...the needs in us that he does...at times I feel like he's just setting us up for disaster. In a place so backwards, how could you ever get it right?
Food. Drink. Companionship. Communication. Air.

They're so easy to pollute. Or dillute. And we're so good at it.
And yet they're really only satisfied by one thing. One unpolluted, holy thing.
The rest is just temporary. The rest was just granted.

On another note.
I have realized how difficult commitment is....to anything.
I have also realized that I am not very good at being committed.

And he did it. He rescued us again and again from certain doom...And he'll do it again. Rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.

but this. this is good news.

"yes."

2008-04-03T22:32:00.002-05:00

Went to a dance exhibition tonight and saw the most incredible performance ever...which is huge...because I've seen some amazing stuff. But this boy crawled up the wall...like he actually walked up the freaking side of a building. insane.

I love lyrical/contemporary dance. The stories...the fluid movements...the music...all of it.

Today has been a really, really good thursday...just a really, really good day period.

--thanks--

2008-03-31T13:16:00.003-05:00

so the gre is over with.
you have absolutely no idea how excited this makes me.

I didn't do quite as well as I wanted to, but I didn't do terribly either.
I ended up with 810 before analytical writing...The analytical writing scores will probably add between 8-10 points to that score.

900 was what a lot of people ask for. But then again, a lot of schools didn't have a cap, so that's cool.

I may take it again later on in this summer. I may not. Either way it's a major weight off of me to know that I have some scores to send out now and that I know what to expect...and that it really wasn't all that bad.

but yeah, thought I'd update on that.
Tonight I shall work on my Holocaust paper. I shall eat pineapple chicken (because my roommate rocks). And I then I play a softball game. I've been filling in some on an intramural team. Fun stuff.

Hallelujah.

2008-03-28T23:46:00.002-05:00

On my way to see Paramore tonight I got a ticket when I got off in Bessemer to grab some Taco Bell.

A ticket. And you know what? I really wasn't even going that fast? 59 in a 45. If he isn't lying.
I was furious to the point of tears with the stupid Bessemer police department and their retarded end of the month quotas. After he left, I cussed a bit. I think I surprised Danielle.

Paramore was fantastic. Really, really great.
Except for right there near the end, some people (that I actually knew, unfortunately) decided they would start a mosh pitt. This pushed me into the group beside us several times...this large man who was part of that group and who was dating a girl he was much to old to be dating started cussing me out and talking about how I was stepping on his girlfriends broke foot...which she was jumping on, btw.

And so I not so kindly informed him that it was not me and it was not my problem.

I tell you all this to tell you two things.

1. It would seem that out of somewhere I have developed a bit of an anger problem. Perhaps it's the stress. There's a lot of that, atm. Regrdless...it's not too good. I need that to be resolved.

and

2. I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but I have a tendency to lean towards the negative....I'm a pessimist by nature. I blame it on my family...which only proves my point, actually. But I hate it. I hate that I can have the coolest night ever with an awesome friend and then get so sucked in and bogged down by the little negatives that I can't even talk about the good stuff.

There's this website I heard about.... http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org and it works off this thing called the --21 day no complaint experiment--

The basic gist is that they have these bracelets that they wear...and they work towards 21 days free of complaints or any negative talk at all. If you slip up, you switch the bracelet to the other hand and you start all over.
The whole point is to get you thinking about what your thinking...and feeling...and in turn, saying...It allegedly teaches you ways to curb those negative thoughts. And also, to begin thinking of solutions to problems that arise immediately as opposed to venting and stressing over them.

The website itself is kinda hokey...and almost seems to me like one of those churches just out to get paid. But I think the idea is pretty novel. And awesome. And I've read some pretty cool responses of people who have completed the 21 days.

I may not buy the bracelets off the website...but I may give this a go. Why not?

Tomorrow....GRE. Study study study. All day long.
I'll be glad when it's in the past.

I love you all. Sweet dreams.

2008-03-27T10:56:00.002-05:00

My advisor didn't show up for our advising appointment this morning. I waited for half an hour...I waited untill I had successfully missed my class. Which really sucks.

I can't register for classes without being signed off on by an advisor....and tomorrow is the last day to be advised. They've kept putting me off and putting my off waiting for this guy and now I'm down to my last days and I still haven't been signed off on.

I'm really not too stressed about it. A little amped...but not stressed. I know they'll work with me and get me into the classes I need even if they have to bump someone else out to do it...it's just aggravating that it's proven to be this difficult. I've never had a problem with registration or advising before...never. And now, here it comes, the semester I'm supposed to graduate and nothing is coming together for me.

It's just frustrating.
And I'm not in the greatest mood anyway. But whatever.

I'm done venting.

2008-03-25T18:17:00.003-05:00

Today I showed up to class....a little late because I was on the phone...but anyways.

I showed up and they were passing out scantrons.

Because we had a test.

Did I know about said test? Um, no.
Had a done any studying, reading, or looked at any notes for the chapters? Of course not.

Seriously, it was like I walked into some random classroom on test day and just sat down and took the test. Because I never go to this class. Because he just reads off the overhead. Which I can do at home before the test and do just fine.
If I knew when the effing tests were.

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sigh.

We're emblematic of the unknown...

2008-03-23T23:25:00.007-05:00

I bought a book today called "Beautiful Boy".

It's a fathers' memoir of his son's struggle with addiction. I read the cover of the book while I was at Starbucks today and it struck a cord with me. I could relate so much to his experiences and his words. I was shocked to discover how similar the journeys of people living with the addicted are. Same story. Different people.
After my coffee was ready, I couldn't bring myself to put the book down. It had touched me. And it had been reviewed by Anne Lamott. I love her.
I drove over to B&N and purchased it.

I have just finished the introduction.
The introduction.
Sixteen pages.
I am shaken to my core.
Each page I read pulled back another painful layer of the ignorant bliss I contentedly survive within. Each scene he described brought me back to my own vivid memory of our version of his story. It's pushed my stomach into my chest and absolutely killed my nerves.

Truth. I would love to just pretend that these parts of my life are not.
That we're passed it. That we can pretend it's no longer an issue. That we're in the home stretch. That we're free. Ignorant bliss.
But addiction is life long. You don't just beat it and continue on with your life. It's a tooth-and-nail fight for survival both for the addict and for those who love them. They can be alright for years and in one breathe be back on their faces. The end is unclear. You can't anticipate what it's going to look like. You live page to page.

This torments me.
I need to know what the end is going to look like. I need that control. I need to know everything is going to be okay. I need the problem to be fixed. I need the cancer to be gone.
I need it.
Anything else makes me physically ill.
My inability to trust the fate of those I love to the invisible makes me physically ill.

I realize this isn't good.
Physical illness is not good.
Lack of trust is not good. It's contrary to everything I know...which is tormenting in it's own right. I can't live like that.
There's healing somewhere that I have yet to receive...or accept...
There's liberation I'm still waiting on.
I understand why they say ignorance is bliss. Honestly.
If it were truly a possibility, I'm pretty sure I'd be in line.
But that is so freaking dangerous. Because ignorance can't and won't last forever. And if you're not anticipating it. Or you haven't let go. If you're just relying on denial and you haven't learned to trust what's greater, when things fall it will destroy you.

You learn. Or you don't survive.
For me, I'm afraid it's destined to be the hard road. I'm too stubborn to have it any other way.
I'm just hoping I learn.
Maybe that is why I'm so drawn to this book. Lord knows I don't have the time to read something else right now. However, I am so tempted to stay up the rest of the night and devour it. I also want to throw it out the window, because it terrifies me.
It digs up things I have buried. Things I don't want to look at right now. Or ever again, to be honest. I don't want to nurse those wounds anymore.

Alright. That's all. I apologize for this...whatever this is.

I've beat this horse as much as I can.

2008-03-21T12:51:00.002-05:00

The Jane Austen Book Club is a fantastic movie.

I've purchased the books...but I've yet to read them. I love that they bond over these incredible stories...that they learn to let go and live their lives in the present.

I almost started a book club once. If I had the time, it would absolutely be an indulgence of mine.

I need to learn to make time for living....there's a difference in living and doing.

I will watch it again. Several times.

2008-03-20T23:03:00.005-05:00

So I'm at home this week. It has totally thrown off any routine I normally have. It's been alright though. I've enjoyed it.

I got to looking through one of my old journals the other day....which is something I absolutely never do. I don't ever go back and read the old things I have written...I leave them in the past.
But for one reason or another, I did.
It was strange. And I'm now compelled to share some pieces of my 2007 with you all...

So I don't guess this is really an entry...just an unedited memory. I apologize for the length.
And thankyou for the therapy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 14, 2007.
My thoughts and feelings right at this moment...alone. quiet. cold. anxious. hopeful. afraid. overwhelmed. loved. angry. jealous. strengthened. grateful. proud. disappointed. bashful. growth. painful growth. impatient. gun-shy.
"That's the irony of being a Christ follower...you can experience brokenness and sorrow and deep joy and hope and all these different things at the exact same time..." --Mike Skelton

January 19, 2007.
If you broke your heart in half, what would spill out onto the floor?

February 25, 2007.
Phillipians 4:8...true. noble. right. true. admirable. good. pure. think about these things.

Developing a heart that really cares about what God thinks...I'm getting there. --a goal--.

...We are all in a process of being changed.

March 10, 2007.
My hearts needs breaking again.
Broken in the right way.
Broken for people.
Broken for change.
Broken for loss...and for lost.

I wish God would just elbow me.

July 18, 2007.
I am inconsistent. unsteady. poor. weak. sinful. burdened. bent. bruised. sore. and proud.
My cheese is falling off my cracker.

But God can make something beautiful out of this.

July 22, 2007.
So I'm just wondering. I'm just concerned.
Why is it that I can sit here and hear these words of redemption and not be able to understand or feel ANYTHING at all?
Where is my heart if I can't give you my time or thoughts each day? Where do I go from here?
-An invisible hole-.....
How am I ever going to find out or understand this yearning in the center of me if I don't take the time to seek you for the answer?
Do I ever want to know?
Am I afraid?
Am I lazy?
Am I indifferent?
Is one worse than the other?
Why? Where do I look? Where?
I just don't get it. Is that what I want? For you to just leave me alone? Would that be easier?
Sometimes I think so.
Sometimes I think I'm so close to bitter and numb that it's scary.
Sometimes the indifferent selfishness of my heart throws me backwards.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a big fake. The great pretender.
Hot tears wash it all away. But hot tears don't stay warm forever.
How? Where? Do I bear the image of God?
Will I even attempt to journey to answer such a question?
Who cares if I'm right or wrong...
I. Don't. Know.
Me?

August 28. 2007.
Lines from the intro of The Only Road North haunt me...
--
I will never be "better".
There is no escaping my story.
It's bigger than any one of us. My story is of our wildest dreams coming true and our most godless fears and horrors being realized. It is of love and hate, life and death, brotherhood and utter solitude, faith and doubt.
The truth is, life is far too complex to be put in a box. I wonder, have those people who seem to have all the answers ever really experienced hardship or grief? True joy? Adventure?
Have they ever really lived?
For those of us who venture outside the cookie-cutter lives that may settle for a superficial plastic faith with the corresponding instruction booklet will do nothing.
When we take the brave step from the comfortable mainstream into the unknown, we quickly discover that we are all just travelers on a journey, trying to find our way.
I write to you as a mere seeker, a fellow traveler on the road that is life, a believer in truth, trusting in hope.
I have scoured books, stared endlessly into the night sky and cried out to the heavens searching for answers. There are none to be had.
And yet there remains an ever so faint whisper coming from within. It is all I have left. It is my compass. It is my guide.
My story offers no resolution and it has no ending. It is not nice or neat, but it is real. I have given up trying to make sense of it all. Rather, I will tell you it only as I can, as I experienced it. I invite you all to share my experiences, to join me on this journey. But warn that after such a long and trepidant road we will finally arrive before we started with more questions than answers, completely and totally unsettled, but ever searching...ever hopeful.
This is my story.
--
The introduction to this book is my life. Simply.
And yet, it is also currently trying to rock my life off it's hinges.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there they are. Bits of my history...my story.
I honestly didn't think anything came out of 2007. Looking back at some of the words written in and amidst the muck, I'm ready to rethink that.

I'm also ready to close this chapter and move forward.
This has helped.

It's late. I need to sleep. Why am I not tired? Why is my head still hurting?

2008-03-14T00:05:00.004-05:00

I have cleaned.
I have soaked up the day.
I have laughed.
I have nursed a week-long headache.
I have pre-ordered Gavin Degraw's new album.
I have spent money.
I have cried.
I have updated.
I have packed.
I have prepared.

I'm ready to get of Alabama for the weekend. And out of Tuscaloosa for the week.

I'm hoping to take lots of pictures.
Be incredibly studious.
Enjoy people I don't see enough of.
Eat all my parents food.
Write. Pray. Read.

Ciao.

NOTABLE.

2008-03-11T21:26:00.017-05:00

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN MY LIFE.

When I stumbled upon this website a couple weeks ago, I knew I had to post about it. It's just one of the most incredible ideas I think I've ever heard.

People from all over can go to this website and post about the things they've learned in their lifetimes. It's genius. And I've found it very positive and uplifting.

It's like postsecret. But I hate postsecret. And I love this.

So I guess this is my version.

I could tell you all about it. But I'd much rather show you.
These are some of my favs.

Sometimes, believe what you read.

Hard goals are worth it.

Take a moment, locate yourself.

If you're not crashing, you're not trying.

:)
I loved this so much. That I came up with my own...this is one thing I have learned in my life thus far.

The weapon we have is LOVE.

So what have you learned?
http://thingsihavelearnedinmylife.com/
Go make your mark.

2008-03-11T20:15:00.002-05:00

so there may be a couple of posts from me tonight. I'm working out of a weird little burst of creativity and I have a couple different things I want to get out of me tonight.

First of all.

Can I just say that this has been the most insane week ever...and it's only Tuesday!

Yesterday was wild.
Romans.
I got a SECOND raise.
I got a blank check to buy a new phone.
Amazing advice from amazing people.
Exercise. Makes me feel amazing.
Offer to live with an incredible person in the fall.
A successful domestic dinner. :)) props for me.

Today our apartment flooded.
It was dramatic. They were some words. Some anger.
BUT I got to meet the lady that lives above us who is really, very awesome. That was cool.
Nap.
No exercise but it's only 8:30pm. Ha.

Not much else to share in this post.
Just wanted to throw out there that it's been a crazy two days.

This is the absolute favorite thing about this week...ever.

"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that." Galatians 6:4

do it.
love.

2008-03-09T20:21:00.001-05:00

if someone ever offers to let you live in their apartment without subletting it to you....just say no.

it's a pain in the freaking butt.
just sayin.

2008-03-06T12:51:00.005-06:00

--GORGEOUS days like today that make me skip all of my classes just so I can lay on my back in the grass.

--my ipod. I am so attached to this thing...I would miss it terribly if we were to part.

--future possibilities...I haven't been excited about the "could be's" in my life for quite a while now...but for some reason, I woke up this morning excited and suuper ready to take on something new! :))))

--weekend getaways. I just love being old enough to do things like this without my parents consent. Lol. I forget that I'm an "adult" now... it kindof throws me off when it dawns on me.

--good for you food! I am officially obsessed with fresh fruits and veggies. I'm considering doing the whole "raw food" lifestyle change. I would really miss pizza though...so I dunno.

--making PERFECT waffles for people. I have finally mastered the art of waffle making and so this morning I woke up and made breakfast for me, Christy, and my brother. good stuff.

come onnnnn. you know you wanna make your own list! :P

the secret.

2008-03-05T09:06:00.004-06:00

So I THINK this is incredible.

Yes, it's a bit new age...and in that sense, I'm not really sure how I feel about it. But it's all about perception, really. I have watched some of the other videos this group has put out and honestly, I think they're kind of dodgy...but this one touched me.

I don't know if it's the music or the unbelievable imagery or just the whole thing together...but it makes me cry and makes my heart beat all fast and reminds me to be grateful and inspires me to wake up every morning ready to live.

And so I'm sharing. :)

Oh, how sweet the light of day, and how wonderful to live in the sunshine! Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted. Take delight in each light-filled hour...Eccl 11:7

2008-02-26T13:12:00.002-06:00

Maybe redemption has stories to tell.

...maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

redemption is here.

2008-02-22T11:10:00.008-06:00

well.
I have a 20 page paper due on tuesday...I have to create a model that is applicable to mass movements and prejudice and the way they come together and play out and end.

Lovliness. I'm on page 6 of a big unedited mess.

I had planned on working on it at work today...wich is wrong....but I was supposed to be the only one here, so I was going to work on that and field the phones, ya know? Right.

Well, I am not the only one here...not by a long shot. So I'm not getting much accomplished.

Captivating tomorrow. I would be really excited about it if I didn't have the paper looming over my head.
My weekend has actually gotten really full despite my efforts to shave some things off and work on my paper.
I'm trying to be calm and not freak out. Even though I need this paper to be amazing...because I'm going to ask Dr. Rosenberg to be one of my reccomendations for grad school.

I'm trying not to appear as tired as I actually am.
I just need time to stop for a little while. And I need to find some inspiration.

Sorry for the school rant post.
I just needed to.

2008-02-20T20:50:00.002-06:00

today I'm grateful for....

1. family. My brother and my dad are just precious. I know, right? I can't believe I'm saying that...but they are.
They came to see me today in Tuscaloosa.
My brother bought a new truck this week so he brought it down to show it to me...we went to dinner. It was just a really, really great couple of hours.
Ya know. We've had a tough go for a while now...and there's this part of me that's almost afraid to relish in this really sweet period we're in right now.
Things are looking up. I think he's growing up...and I think he may make it...when not that long ago I really wasn't so sure.
I'm grateful. And that totally outweighs the fear.
You can't live in fear.
You gotta live in hope. And happiness. And just be greatful for the good.

That's what I'm grateful for.

2008-02-19T19:24:00.003-06:00

things I'm grateful for today....

1. Cupcakes. They're just the happiest food in the whole world.

2. Late night hiphop class at the rec center...greatest. release. ever. I literally had to drag Christy there with me, but it was so worth it. Funniest thing ever.

3. The new kids on the American Idol block...good, good competition this year. Gonna be neat to see how that plays out. "I love hearing your voice go in and out of all of these beautiful colors..." Paula...I commend you.

4. Online books...did you know that you can read entire books at google??? Because you can! It's making my monstrosity of a psychology paper so much easier.

5. Encouraging phone calls, emails, text messages...they're always unexpected...always exactly what I need right at that moment.

2008-02-18T22:21:00.003-06:00

today.

i'm grateful...

1. for a flexible job...the stability and opportuninties it's given me.

2. that I wasn't alive during the holocaust.

3. that I don't have a tv in my room. I get so much more accomplished now.

4. That the deadlines in my sociology class were extended a week.

5. that I have some peace about all the crazy things I have to do this week...

2008-02-18T10:37:00.003-06:00

Today is a calm day.
Woking in my motorcycle boots, listening to the new ipod, sending out letters.

I'm calm and I'm grateful.
I don't think people realize how invaluable peace is until they're on the verge of having none.

I have a million reasons
to be scared
and freaked
and bitter
and ashamed
and doubtful.

But only because I've created them.
If I spent even half of the energy I regularly spend being negative and focused on the amazingness that really is my life.....man, would that be humbling.

I went through a period a while back where I took some time everyday to make a list of at least five things I was grateful for....It was such a rewarding experience. I don't know why I stopped.
I need that reminder.
Because without it, my first thought is always towards the negative.
I need to exercise my new eyes.

Biblegateway's VOD...(because I love this. And I look everyday. ) romans 8:38-39. goodness.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Dictionary.com's WOD...(my GRE books reccommend that I make this a habit. I will also be carrying a thesaurus around with me until March. Ask me anything.)
sine qua non: \sin-ih-kwah-NON; -NOHN; sy-nih-kway-\, noun:An essential condition or element; an indispensable thing. Sine qua non is from the Late Latin, literally "without which not."

hm. food for thought.
have a good day, lovelies.

2008-02-14T13:57:00.003-06:00

decision made:

I shall attain an MA in School Psychology.

goodbye social work.

2008-02-13T23:51:00.004-06:00

I've being up working on some things for my creative writing class tomorrow. Not finished...but getting closer.

But I figured I might as well take a moment to breathe and make my special valentines day (which begins in 10 minutes) post.

I've decided in honor of this most interesting holiday to do a quote post.

Our quotee--charlie brown, of course.
Because he's adorable. And I love him. And happen to find him incredibly insightful.
And this is my blog. So I can do what I want.

On with it, I say. :))

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."

"Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you."

"I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time."

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.”

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

"That's the secret to life...replace one worry with another."

"It always looks darkest just before it gets totally black."

"If you don't like their rules, whose would you use?"

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.""

"No problem is so large or complex that it can't be run away from."

And my personal favorite...

"There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters. . . . . I could be their leader."

:) I feel much better now.

Happy Valentines Day, lovelies.

2008-02-13T09:30:00.003-06:00

it's GIRLSCOUT COOKIE SEASON!!!!!

...and on friday boxes of cadbury eggs will flood the stores.

:)

I would like both in my easter basket.