sometimes I hate where I am.
because it leaves me confused.
and heartbroken.
and out of control.
and longing for change.

I have such hope for the new year....such hope.
I'm begging God for good things.
Jan 1 was spent....I had high hopes. Ended with tears....feeling rejected. watched. betrayed.
Like I couldn't do anything right.
Ready to quit.

I'm grateful for good people. Good friends.
I was talked down.
I needed that.
I was affirmed.
I needed that also.
I was reminded of prayer.
I needed that most.

I was supposed to work today....but I didn't go.
I took the day to catch my breathe and search my heart.

It's been a day of apologies. Of thought. Of prayer.

A day for being calm.

So in preparation for the new year...I'm ready to have some tough conversations.
I'm ready to forgive and be forgiven. I'm ready to force myself into a lifestyle of faith.
I'm ready to surround myself with that which is uplifting.

Jan2. I'm ready.