"the things we wanna be are scattered in the streets..."

Disenchanted.

That's a good word for my current state of being. Why is it that every time I start to get my plans into some kind of conceivable format, something happens to completely blow my confidence in those plans into fifteen-billion unrecognizable pieces? 

I'm waist-deep in graduate school crap these days. You probably knew that. It's pretty much all I talk about, because it's all I do. My parents are paying for me to go to these fancy GRE review classes and talk with this graduate advisor all so that I can succeed, and get into a good program at a good school and be a good, functioning, positive member of society. They're doing some major sacrificing on my behalf, and all I can focus on is my complete and utter discontent with the mediocrity of it all.

I'm disenchanted with America. With my generation. With myself. I'm over it. All of it. 

And I have been for a while. 

In a lot of ways, that's what the Africa trip has been about. Me getting out and taking an extended period of time to just go and do and live outside of this bubble. But I'm starting to wonder if 2-3 months is long enough. If maybe I'm still off a little bit. 

In the previous post I tagged a video from a fairly new type of mission called the World Race. I stumbled across this organization while I was doing some research into some other things I could maybe do this spring if my Africa plans couldn't seem to come together....it's completely blowing my mind. 

11 months. 11 countries. A pilgrimage.

I have soaked up as much information as possible....I've read the blogs of people who are out there right now...I've watched the videos...and I am absolutely horrified by how much my entire soul seems to crave it.

11 months. 11 countries. A complete re-organization of my life. The possibility of a completely different life on the other side of this experience. Perhaps the most selfish, irresponsible, foolish thing I could ever consider doing....but I want it. Lord, do I want it.

I am overwhelmed with the desire and the need to soak these thoughts in prayer, and so I'm asking for you to do the same. Please pray for me as I continue to battle with God and with myself about what these next steps in my life are supposed to look like. 

Thanks, guys.

~S