sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand...

My brother is in rehab.

That sounds so weird to say...but he is. He left this morning.
I'm emotional today.
I'm always emotional. But it's been more than usual here lately...
I just feel so beat down...I feel pretty defeated.
My family looks so defeated...and deflated...it makes my heart hurt.

I praying for a miracle. For a breakthrough. For a break down. For change.

Lord knows we need it.

There has been so much lately that I have wanted to write down, I just haven't.
And so a lot of it I've lost...I hate that. It was good stuff.

I think I realized something the other day...I got to thinking about how much stuff I pack into each of my days....I'm so stinkin busy...it's kind of ridiculous.
But I do it on purpose...I really think I do...because it makes it easier to say no...to excuse just not taking on anything new...I've been using it as a cop out. Hm.


I don't know what I'm going to do about that....

One more thing....that's all...

I have no earthly idea how I am going to afford moving out in January...something that I have promised myself too...something I really, really want to do...something I knew I couldn't afford, but I agreed to anyway...

I have no idea how I'm going to do it...and I am so worried about it that I'm physically sick over it.

I really need some peace here...I really need some stability.

That's what I need in my life right now...in every single possible way.

I need stability.